just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
