Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
