Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
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after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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