just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
