I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
