Betty ford says i'm here all night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
