What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
