stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
