Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Send help, water and tortillas.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
