pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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