I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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