I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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