i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
