bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
