Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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