i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
