Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
