Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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