After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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