You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
