I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
