The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
