oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
