if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My vagina is very pro this idea
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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