As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
