This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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