We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
