I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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