New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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