I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
