I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
