My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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