Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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