i just google imaged poop.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
