oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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