took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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