The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
