Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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