I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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