when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
