it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
