sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
