she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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