consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
