Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
