ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
