Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
