Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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