I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
