I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize