you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how drunk are you?
Several
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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