Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
