my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
