every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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