anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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