I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
