We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize