i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
