This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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