Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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