Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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