Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize