he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
