the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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