If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
