does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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