Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
