and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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