take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
