I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
