Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
