You're so nebulous sometimes
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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