alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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